Hey all, sorry have not be around much lately. But this may be my last post here, don't know. Do not want to waste any one's time and more.

Of the last few weeks, I have been trying extremely hard to pull myself up by my boot straps as the saying goes. And thought I was making progress, my out look on my future did not seem so bleak to me.

Last week a homeless coordinator at the VA is trying to help me get gas back on, it is getting rather cold now especially at night. And she has been trying to help me along the path, because I get over whelmed by it all.

Two days ago, I was told my cash assistance has been terminated. Why? good question, because they said I did not make an appointment, no mind you I was not notified that I had this appointment, but regardless because I did not make the appointment it has been terminated. Plus I am now not elegible until after the first of the year.

This is starting a chain of events that I can not possibly handle or even have hopes of solving. I am tired of fighting the BS the state throws at me, as well as the Federal level. I am going to lose everything I now have, my dog and cats, all my belongings, my pride, ect.

I am tired, tired of it all. Tired of the looks, the whispered remarks. Because I have not had a shower in over 3 months (no hot water) and no clean cloths in over a month (washer broken.) I'm tired of spinning my wheels and fighting to keep going and to stay alive in the process.

My son came home today, and said a teacher was going to get him shoes, because I can't buy them for him. His mom, has not yet, after many requests sent money so he can get cloths to wear.

I am failing at every level, and it does not matter how hard I try and struggle. The state, or federal or who ever is always right there to slap me down and to keep me down. I'm tired of it, I can hardly bare to even be around myself. I do not feel clean and I can't get clean. I'm tired.

I am sorry for coming and posting, every one has troubles I realize. And mine are peity compared to others I know. So forgive me... sorry