It's funny in a bad kind of way that you can have a god awful day, you can be in so much pain, you can hate yourself so much and not feel like you're worth the air you breathe. You could be sitting with a bunch of people and not even have the energy to fake a smile and there could be a giant raincloud over your head and you wonder why the hell you still try and continue on.

But everyone can think you're fine, that or they just don't gave a &^!#.

I can tell a joke or laugh and people will think I'm fine? I don't even like pretending I'm fine. I just do it because that's all I know. I don't even do a good job of pretending I'm fine anymore.

My kids are going to grow up. Who's going to toss a football with them in the yard? Not me, I can't catch because I have no coordination because I only have one good eye. I may as well only have one eye. Who's going to walk to school with them? Not me, I'm stuck in this wheelchair. Maybe I'll get to used to crutches and not this wheelchair but even then.

I'm yelling and I can't tell if people can't hear me or they can and don't care. I need to talk and I can't do that irl. I post this and I probably won't feel any better because then it's just like saying it irl in a way, it's still public, anyone can read it Do I really have any friends? Friends just seem to be people who'll leave me when I need help but I'm too scared to ask them. That's my fault, I know. I don't know WHO my friends are. I don't know anything anymore. Can I say it any clearer? I'm never okay and I'll probably never be okay. I have this stupid job interview in a couple of weeks, I have "friends" who hate me, I'm in pain but apparently it's invisible.

Why does it hurt, I learned my worth a long time ago. Rant over. If anyone actually read this far then you deserve a medal, because it's pretty obvious I'm not really worth listening to.