I shouldve mentioned before that I chose to go to Japan by myself..... I had learned that she had been seeing these guy friends behind my back and I asked her if she had been hanging out with male friends when she went home and "visited family" while I actually did visit my family. She said no she wasnt. I found out through myspace bc she left a comment on one of the guy's page about how it was great seeing him on his birthday and not to order too many drinks next time. That right there told me there was a problem in the marriage and she didnt want to work on it. It crushed me and I was supposed to be a recruiter around this time this year, but these orders for Japan popped outta nowhere and I was thinking that she just started college, she seemed really happy doing it, she is also "dating" guys behind my back (dont know if she was sleeping with them at this point or not, but still very hishonest), so I decided right there to go to Japan by myself and divorce her. I didnt let her know that I knew she hung out with the guy friends just that I was going to Japan by myself and I chose to do so. I gave her the excuse that she needs to finish school.

But I learned she can finish her schooling in Japan through the education center and get credits from that same school. I informed her of that and it seemed to make little difference to her. She wants to get a internship in a big city like chicago or NY. But she does not even have her Assosciates Degree yet. She can get hired as an intern but I know she will have to abondon that dream if she comes back to Japan with me (which she can and honestly, it is the only way the marriage can survive....not bc of the trust, but bc obviously we need to work on it together....face to face) but yet she says she is scared to go to Japan bc she would leave her family...... I think, and I hope I am right, that she just wants to see if I am going to yell at her and such like I did when I got back to Japan. She said she doesn't want to give her hopes up, so I think giving your hopes up means that you can't control something, and just hope for the best on whoever or whatever is controlling it. I think too much alot times . I have told her and one of her best friends that I have wanted some things in life REALLY bad.....but this desire...this fire that rekindled in me before I left for japan the first time.....this is the strongest I have felt about anything or anybody. My fear is that her mind is already made up and she just does not want to tell me while I am over here. Or she might take something the wrong way and the chances are messed up. I have heard that hope is something for a fool....I have alot of hope....am I a fool?

semper fi