((((( Nightbird )))))

Thank you so much.

It just so often seems that the bad times to last forever and the good times don't seem real when I'm in a hole like this. These days the good times are just when the bad times aren't quite as bad as they could be. It's hard for me not to look back- I regret so much in my life and to second guess myself seems to be a part of my nature.

It gets do a point where I don't see why I try- any plans I make seem to crash and burn and things simply become worse. If you pile too much onto a donkey's back, his back will break. I feel as though my back is broken, yet stuff is still piled onto me, and crawling forward hardly seems worth it. I feel like I know the outcome, because the outcome always seems to be failure.

I am sorry you lost friends too. I don't deal with loss well. I invested a lot of personal care and worry into people who left me, and when they leave, I have a void. You are right, though, I do have real friends, both irl and here, that truly do care and are there when I need them. I often feel guilty for needing my friends, when really no one needs me. I'm not really sure how my friends can manage to put up with me, but that is certainly a feat.

A fresh start is always something I have longed for, a new project, per say. With friendship being like a garden, I feel bad when people have to invest in my "seed". I feel like I don't have anything to offer people and I have invested in others only to have them ripped away. The hurt makes me too scared.

You are wise and you are a true friend. Thank you Nightbird. I am in a bad place right now but I take your words to heart, and when I say that, I truly mean it.

Thank you also, NWTR. I hope no one takes offense when I say no one cares or no one is listening. When I am suffering it can just feel that way.