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multipixie9 · Oct 09, 2008, 10:40 PM

griffe,

i email you cos i care. read your posts. i'm actually behaving like a friend - but you don't see me or hear me. Why not??

i hear the pain and anger and what sounds like self-hate. i recognize them cos i've been there and may be again. Griffe pay attention here. I think you have value and I happen to care. There are some other people here who seem to care. Maybe it is only you who is not your friend.

i think i've offered to listen to you, my email box is "in" for you. So take me up on it and stop saying nobody cares cos that's a lie. I care.

physically you've got it worse than me. I only need two knees replaced and wear fentanyl patches to deal with the pain, but I don't ride in a chair full-time. If it comes to running to save my life, I will die cos I can't run. If it comes to playing any game I am totally without coordination and skills. I am a multiple and right now unable to hold down a job. My spouse doesn't believe there is such a thing as multiple - he'd prefer to think I am lying and lazy. I was incested by approx 6 different relatives and total about 20 perps over my misbegotten childhood. I was physically, sexually, emotionally and satanic ritually abused. my dad was an alcoholic and i was neglected and sometime didn't get enough food.

By age 9 my only goal in life was to keep my head down and avoid notice until I could die and death looked good to me. If God had not intervened when I was 18 I would have stolen my mom's pills, my dad's booze, mixed them, ingested them and died.

Have I made my point sufficiently. Sometimes life just seems to find a kid and dump the extra crap on him or her. I was that kind of kid and I'm the only sibling who survived past age 50...

i said i care about you and i meant it. your only excuse now is that i am not good enough to be your friend. so, its up to you, cos i give a care about you, for no particular reason except i want to and i understand tough circumstances.

please hang in there it will get better and lots of us care about you. hugs and a swift kick in the butt,

leslie and her pixies