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eskielover · Oct 10, 2008, 02:32 AM

I spent all day Monday running around to get a lot of things accomplished......Social security to get my letter with the date my disability started.....so I could go to the PVA office to get my exemption that amounts to a large exemption on my property tax (woopieeee). Then to the annex to make sure there are no leins on my property (collections agencies from debt are just sitting there, but who knows & it should be after my husband mostly in California). Had to get a new title on my truck as it was stolen in the bag that was stolen from my truck last year when that was broken into & my ID stolen.

After getting all the paperwork together, I stopped at the lawyers office.......going over everything, sounds like an LLC will give the most possible protection, but nothing is sure fire against past debt.

In talking things over with the lawyer, I realize that I am in worse shape than I even really would let myself imagine. Down to my last cent & trying hard to spend it wisely so that it is used to decrease what expenses I have & not make more. Then legal separation/divorce is not something that is a good idea at this time as it would only bring all the debt issues to the surface & they would have to be dealt with.....rather than just letting them lay there as they have been accumulating for the last 14 years. Really wanted to get out of the relationship with him NOW, but with the miles between Calif & Kentucky, I can live with it as I completely control the spending.

The IRS dept is large enough that it's a nuisance, but I have it covered with monthly payments coming from my husband's retirement fund (he didn't want to touch but has no choice NOW). I told him he didn't give me a choice by talking to me when he first found out & I had the money to pay the tax, so I don't care if he doesn't have a choice either.

I got home exhausted......Tuesday, I went to my womans horse riding luncheon. It was at Eagles Nest & we went out & did some trail riding before & after lunch.......what a relief to be out in the beauty of the changing leaves coloring. It was wonderfully relaxing.

On my way home, I drove past my friends house & stopped by there for a chat. She is the 90 year old friend I have mentioned before. While chatting with her, my throat got so sore, I couldn't swallow but kept chatting a bit more. By the time I left & drove home (2 miles max) I couldn't even squeak out a word.....complete silence when I told my doggies to stay in the truck while I got the mail. COMPLETE SILENCE. I got a phone call & couldn't even answer it. That was the start of the crappy feeling.....still going on & add to the laryngitis, a cough.

On wednesday, I had an appointment with a new counsellor(therapist). We chatted (through my laryngitis) & my huge 32 ounce mug of ice tea. By the end, she said she thought I needed someone a little more able to deal with the issues I have. Talk about a wham. I thought I was doing much better & almost becoming human again.......but the issues I am still dealing with underneath it all are still more complicated than she can handle......those issues......stress causes me to feel sick & not be able to eat. I will cook food & only eat a few bites& not be able to eat the rest....so I nibble throughout the day. The other issue is that when I get stressed, sometimes I get this spacey feeling that has been going on since my MOther died a few years ago....& the PTSD issues surrounding this time of year as it's the anniversary of the time I was dealing with my Mother.

She provided other names that might work.....but being on medicare & not being able to afford anything other than sliding scale providers otherwise.......I am really stuck.

I haven't been sleeping lately & if I do, it's only dozing for a few hours & then back up again & then doze a few hours later.

So in the terms of the title of my post.......I am sick & tired.

I am also so tired of working so hard so that everything will turn out or work out, or even get started. I just want the things in life that are normal to just become simple again......working this hard at just plain life is exhausting & I am not feeling is a place to handle it much right now. I just want to find a place where I can go away & hide

Trying to survive,
Debbie