Hey my name is Melissa. I hope that today finds everyone well. I wish I could say the same for me. I am a 28 year old survivor. Survivor. That is a hard word to swallow. Noone ever expects to have to say that they survived abuse. I did! I survived. Now my ordeal is not the abuse, it is its aftermath. The feelings of guilt, shame, hate, anger and fear. They say that the earlier the abuse and the longer the abuse, the more lasting the effects are. I agree. My mom's second husband abused me when I was 6 and I sent him to jail. I didn't however have the same luck with my mom's third husband. He abused me for 8 years straight, until I got pregnant. He, thank god, never got the chance to actually have sex with me. All though he made me promise him at 11 that he could be my first. I never gave him the chance. I got pregnant with my daughter by my then boyfriend, my now husband, and he has never touched me since. The thing that I hate the most is the fact that I didnt have a childhood. When most girls would ask to spend the night, they werent allowed. He used me whenever he wanted. He told me it was my fault for being so beautiful. I hate that word. He said if I didnt look like my mother then he wouldnt have to do this to me.
Now he is in the hospital having major heart problems and I have soooo many mixed emotions. My mom and he are still married. I told her but I dont think she believes me. My first thought was good maybe he will die, but I know that is selfish. I am frustrated with the way I feel. I am planning on confronting him and letting him know that what he did to me is wrong. My husband is wonderful. he says he understand what I am going through, but he doesnt know the hurt. Which he wishes I didnt have. does any one have any suggestions?