Ok, here goes. First, welcome to the forums Melissa. God, I have to say that for your first post, this is a deep one. Most people say hi and then their name. You're showing courage that would make Hercules jealous. Now on to the abuse. Speaking from my own experience of which I'll spare the details, everything you're feeling is par for the course. And the thing is that you are entitled to these feelings. You deserve to feel anger and hate and whatever else you feel toward these men. They harmed a child... a child. That's about the most wretched thing anyone can do if you ask me. And you are a survivor. Don't ever forget that. You had and still have the strength to stand up and face the feelings and deal with them. You and I are working toward the same goals here... confrontation and, hopefully in the end, forgiveness. You didn't say that exact word, but I get the feeling that that's where you want to head. And if I'm wrong, please correct me. It sounds like you have a wonderful hubby who supports you completely and that's a blessing and a half. I can't even begin to tell you how hard this aftermath is to deal with alone and I'm so happy that you have your family for support. It's good that you told your mom, and I'm sorry that she doesn't believe you. That's not uncommon either. There will come a time where she's got to face it. And maybe somewhere inside she knows but is in denial. Are you on meds or in therapy? If not, I highly recommend it. It can and will work wonders if you want it to. I guess I've rambled on long enough so I'll leave you with this... It sounds to me like you are doing wonderfully given the circumstances. You know what you feel and why you feel it. You can see how it affects you and your life and family in the here and now. That's one of the hardest steps in my book. My suggestion is to start/continue with meds/therapy program and hold off on confrontation until you have a firm grasp on your emotions and can control them. I'm not sure if you're to that point yet. Only you know that. If you were to loose it in a confrontation, it might not have the impact on your abusers that it should. Then again, it may. That's something to confirm with a therapist. I know that for me, confrontation is still a long way off. My other suggestions are to stick with us here. Everyone here is wonderful and we'll hold your hand, dry your tears, be your friends, support you, and hold you up if and when when you feel like you can't stand on your own. Never give up hun. You've already shown us what you're made of... and we're all here for you. Try not to let those feeling of shame and guilt get you down. I know that's a silly thing to say cause sometimes we just plain can't help it. Another thing to remember is that you were a defensless child and none of this is your fault. Not even a little bit. Take good care of yourself.

Ry