My heart goes out to you. I think it is so hard yet it is the best thing for you to "face the facts" that your husband is no longer the person you married. You will grieve for a long time, but in the mean time you have a lot of reality to face--raising a child on your own.

It is good to no longer have the "pipe dream" that your husband will revert to how he was. He has disappointed over & over again. It is not your fault; it may not be his "fault" (perhaps due to an untreated mental illness, but it is his choice). You deserve to find some peace in life & owe it to your son to provide some stability & not to model such a dysfunctional marriage. I grew up witnessing these kinds of behaviors with my parents--the affairs, the blaming, the accusations (my mother was bipolar & my father alcoholic).

I have bipolar disorder myself & have had to go through a lot of therapy to figure out how to have a relationship that does not repeat all that I witnessed & I am 54 years old & still fighting the the seeming "inborn" tendencies to destroy any heathly relationship I have.

Have strength. You are on the right path. I'm with you every step of the way.--Suzy