Mel! Welcome to PC and I will echo the phrase : YOU HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE FOR SUPPORT.

I do suffered years of abuse. It's not something I talk about ever. I once posted a brief thread about a small portion of my abuse but for the most part, I feel like you do. Shame, guilt, embarressment and if I dwell it makes my heart ache because it hurts so much.
I commend you for having the strength to come forward and confront the bastard who hurt you. You are a wonderful person to be able to do that.
I too would probably wish horrible things on this person as well. And like you, I would most likely feel the guilt also.
I have not stirred up he strenght within myself to deal with this issue. I have touch on my problem with affection and plan on starting out small. To much too soon it way too painful. I wish the best for you and i want to thank you for sharing your story with us. Your inspiring to me. Take care and again, welcome to the forums.