Please, you need to be back into therapy, even if it means to find another therapist. If you have been in therapy and that itself becomes frustrating for you and solution doesnt seem in sight, it can complicate what you started out with... Dont let that add up to the burden which you have been carrying. Its way easier said than done, but please take the step to find a new therapist. Its very difficult to let go of past hurts and all of us are in the process to one extent or the other, please dont make new hurts for yourself.