yup i do. i just want a normal average life. funny but its never worked out that way. my mother left when i was 9 and off i went to first relatives houses where i was abused, then to foster homes and viola the same thing. i married an alcholic at the age of 18 thinking it was normal for people our age to party all the time, i should have figured my age maybe but he was 27 and by the age of 47 he was still "partying". it took me 16 years to leave, i walked out on everything a beautiful home, boat good job, packed up my then 9 & 12 year olds and left. started a life of my own. it was going pretty good. i worked, supported my two children and learned how to be an independent person so i thought. i swore i would never get married again. then comes along james and wham i fell in love. a year later were married. thought my life was on an uphill track. then wham, i learn my love has a dark side which i cant describe on here except to say he is a sociopath, i married ted bundy before he did his thing. now im trapped in a nightmare and cant get out. i cant afford to move on my own, not anymore everything is so expensive and i get no support from my ex. i cant go anyplace with him, do anything with him because im always wondering what he is thinking as he is "looking" so i go to work and come home to my place with the burg system which not for the outside world but for fear of what could happen inside if he loses control or his meds dont work. you know his doc couldnt not assure me that he would never hurt me or anyone else....well oh he has hurt others forgot about that, his sister when he was 15 and his ex wife, i would love to elaborate but not permited, but he drugged her and the rest is history. only thing is i should have been told of this history before i got married. sometimes i feel like i must have done something wrong in my first life, why else would i punished my whole life. so you see i know why im depressed. pss...as you can see im feeling pretty bad tonight, i have good days when i can deal with it and not so good days today is one of those.