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my worst memory of abuse resurfaced thursday afternoon. it was something so barbaric i never ever imagined anyone would do what i saw and somehow involve me in it.
i told a few people i trust and instead of their usual support, they said nothing. i'm alone with the worst thing ever and i'm alone. friday i was supposed to eat with my last mentor/ friend irl. i couldn't do it and it was not the first time i'd cancelled it was the 6 or 8th I'm not sure how many times. i was afraid to go and my friend got angry with me and blamed it on my littles and said that i let them just run crazy over everything. so now i am reely alone irl and in reel time.
it feels lik my chest has concrete block on it. and i wish it would just finish squishing me. i get scared when i hurt so enormous. it feels so frightening. so much bigger than me an i dont know what comes next. i saw murder happen. i saw it i saw it i saw it an i don know wat to do now cos i wish i cud die an i don get to die jus cos i wana. i hate my life i hate my life. i hate my life i hate my life. i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate mylife i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate mylife i hate mylife i hate mylife i hate mylife i hate mylife i hatemylife ihatemylife i hatemylife i hate mylife i hate mylife i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate my llife i hate my life i hate mylife i hate mylife i hate mylife i hatemylife i hatemylife i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate mylife and it feels like no one cares
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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