Angel... first I know how often you feel this and if these thoughts EVER get to be overwhelming you know that you can talk to me about it. I don't care if the details are hard to hear. You know that I'd do anything for you. That being said I'll move on. As you well know when my cycles bring me to the deep dark pit, I have suicidal ideation every single time. The thoughts never leave my head. Not ever. And if I can't find a way to ease the sharp edge of this side of the sword, the thoughts become urges. And if I still refuse to deal with it, I have to fight with every ounce of my being to keep from acting on the urges. As you know I attempted once and almost succeeded. By the Grace of God I was found out cold and carried away to safety. What you may not know is that years later I found myself in that same position again. I began desperately searching the internet for some kind of anonymous help and ended up here. This place and the people (like you) in it have guided me back to safety. Let us do the same for you... please. When these thoughts enter my head I have to remind myself that as the never ending cycle of bipolar disorder continues, the depression will end even if only for a little while. But the key words there are "the depression" will end. I understand that you have more depression than mania and that's maddening as are the rapid cycles. When I hear the thoughts I do anything I can to take my mind off of it. Anything I can loose myself in. For instance, I LOVE the show Friends. I have all the seasons that are out on DVD. I'll put one in and loose myself in it. Movies are great. So is music as long as it doesn't feed the depression. I come here and post my guts out. I support anyone and everyone I can find. I don't post about my issues (and not that you shouldn't) because for me I'm trying not to focus on it. It's there and I know it so it's not like I'm denying it but rather accepting it and dealing with it. I also try to call people and visit with them... friends, family, whatever. I'll come to chat and visit with my friends here. I PM people. I LOVE the "Fun Stuffs" forum here. It's great. Go for a drive or a walk. Go out to eat. Go window shopping. Day dream about anything other than depression. Look at what you want to achieve in your life and how you might go about it. Write it out. Write your feelings down to the very last detail... it's exhausting but it works. Jeeze, I could go on for hours. As you said and are so right about, what works for me might not work for you. But the one thing that you have to remember is that there are people all over that care about you whether you realize it or not. Another thing that's always helped me is thinking of all the people that my life affects and how it would impact them if I left this earth. This about us. It might help. I'm gonna PM you the lyrics to a song that has helped me from time to time. I hope that some of these things work for you. Remember that you are one of my dearest friends. Much love.

Ry