Melissa, I don't think you are selfish by thinking this world would be better off without your mother's husband in this world. I recognize from what you wrote a typical personality trait that sexual abuse survivors share - - caretaking. There's nothing wrong with healthy caretaking of others, however, as an abuse victim, you need to recognize your needs and believe your needs are just as (or more) important as someone else's needs are.

I also tend to put others' needs first. My father had incestuous relations with me from the ages 3 to 12. I protected my father's secret for 22 years! What do you think the price is for putting my parents', relatives', my employers', and other men's needs before my own needs? Physical & mental illness, further victimization, loss of identity, and no self worth are my results.

You deserve better.