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Chowder · Oct 12, 2008, 08:17 PM

i've expressed my concern. But i'm thinkin either it’s cuz of my age, (therefore i'm not taken seriously), or there really is no need to be concerned. Thot that maybe someone here can give me an idea if i have justifiable reason for concern, or if i'm looking too much into this. So...here goes...
My parents are on the path of ultimate failure. Dad has been a great financial provider for my mom n me...but that’s about it. He's never been a "dad" to me....mom's been that...and more.....my best friend, really.
All while I grew up, i've witnessed dad be pretty abusive to mom....occasionally physically, mostly emotionally..Even to date., he's always emotionally abusive...very deliberate in verbal downgrading to us both. I never did form much of a bond with him. No physical hugs, loves...nothing even close to that. Maybe he'd hug me...but only out of feeling guilt tho. But i can tell u, it didn't feel like much to me at all. Sorta pathetic, really. If anything i feel pity for him.

I kno mom loves him, but also kno that she is no longer in love with him. (My God, how could anyone be with that sort of person?). Almost daily, I witness my dad call her these awful downgrading names with sole intent just to hurt her. Aware of any of her sensitive personal issues, he makes certain that those are thrown in as a last resort, if nothing else gets a reaction out of her. She has developed an emotional shield to the point where she merely sits numbly quiet while dad repeatedly verbally strikes her down. In my attempts of defending her, he then attacks me with all that thinks he has to use against me as well.
After his rants, which vary in duration, (some between a mere few minutes, while others seem to continue almost endlessly), he then has the audacity to attempt to console her, which is always ineffective. After that, and realizing that that tactic wont work, he actually begins to get upset again, demanding mom to explain why she no longer wishes to sleep with him, talk with him, or interact with him whatsoever. Meanwhile, mom grows even further away from him.

Long ago, mom had found another man. This relationship was found over the internet, with him residing in Europe, (we are in the states). Over time, she has become very serious with this man to the point where she and I had made one attempt to leave the states to live with him. A week before the departure date for Europe we were staying at a close friend of hers to get away from dad. He knew we were staying with her friend in the other state as a means of just taking a break, but had no idea about our intentions to leave for Europe. It was during that time that I talked mom out of leaving. We were intending to just leave without dad even aware of it, but deep down, she knew it wasn’t the right way to handle this. So, we returned back to dad.

I now deeply regret ever talking mom out of leaving. She seems to have become depressed. Her relationship with her new love seems to be suffering now because of the fact that she chose to remain in this abusive marriage with dad over a happy one with him, (their relationship has been going on for over a year now). Neither mom or I have met him as of yet, but we all interact daily online through msn, skype and cam corder. So, it’s not like this is one of those wishful situations. He has accepted mom and me with open arms. He is fully aware and receptive of all our issues, reassuring us that , with time, we will be able to work them all out. He even suggested possibly seeking a therapist to guide us thru this once we get there. Although he is hurt and disappointed over the decision mom had made, which I feel responsible for, he completely understands and is investing enormous amounts of patience and support. However, his patience is beginning to be tried and tested. Because of this depression that mom has seemed to slip in, she almost seems unable to even decide what to do. Her new love, and I both have tried to reassure her that the move away is for the best. Yet, she continues to remain in this struggle. She has mentioned to us both that she is afraid that she doesn’t want to make a wrong decision with this move. Neither he or myself understand why she is thinking this way, or even what it is she is thinking anymore. She seems she is capable of conducting herself in a rational manner, yet seems to repeatedly suddenly slip into all these doubts and fears. Just when we think we are getting ready to prepare ourselves for this move, she seems to suddenly sabotage it with all these "reasons" why we can’t go "just yet".
I must also include the fact that mom has sole custody of me, (not of legal age yet). Dad is not on my birth certificate, tho he is my paternal father. Mom doesn’t want any monetary support from him. She just wants a complete clean break with no future ties.
The fact is, her marriage to dad has died. She has found someone who truly loves her and me and who is willing to work thru our issues with us. But she keeps making excuses why not to leave, but insists she HAS to go, and WANTS to be with her new love.
Why the confusion? Can anyone help me with understanding this? Do I have every reason to be concerned? Does anyone have any suggestions, which can help me NOW, (although therapy is only obviously necessary, now is not the time to seek it).

I am indebted to any of you with any help u can offer me. Thank you all so very much.

Forever grateful ~ Chowder