Thanks LMo... and I am so sorry for being "such a downer"... just that so many decisions I have made and things I have let go are catching up to me. And meds and talk therapy can't fix these things in m ylife. I am paying hte price for major bad decisions and then living nearly three years in depression not cleaning up my mess. At any rate I am going around and around and araound... not really getting anywhere.... you know kv was right to have confronted me the way he did. I think he sees how trapped I am.