Bound By Thoughts: I know that this seems right for you at the time, but there are many other alternatives that you can use to feel the pain, but not in a negative way. I highly suggest that you talk to your therapist about DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and learn some coping skills. Some that I've learned and heard about are: pressing ice on yourself until it burns, run your wrists under excedingly cold water, (the ice eventualy "freezer burns" you, but not with heat), put something in your hands and always play with it (ex: stress ball, silly putty, a small toy, etc), talk about your thoughts, but only at a certain time of day and write about it too, but only let your mind go there for a sceduled about of time- this would be for about 15 minutes. The only thing is is that you cannot hurt yourself during this time, only thoughts (see, touch, feel, think, experience the moment without really doing it (anotherwords: visualize it)). Good luck and best of wishes. PM me anytime you need to or if you have any comments. I really like your personality, but hope that you reflect your thoughts positively.