Sujunew... yeah, it is both - one of those fun times of holding two opposing emotions at once around a person of authority I trust and care about. MD acknowledged that i am having a hard time as well as my getting her about how my symptoms are due to trauma. I think we may be at a new level of working together.... I hope. It is frustrating, and i told her that. It's such a catch 22; i can't get well until I heal the trauma, and i can't heal the trauma w/o triggering terribly - which amplifies my symptoms. Maybe there will be a break through for me soon...