Trigger for mention of childhood abuse and SU threat.

Wow! You all are very insightful and somewhat spot on with the reasoning! I talked with him and found out that I have a really twisted outlook on sex and he feels that my saying no meant that I didn't find him attractive or I didn't love him. I told him that it is just that I view sex as something to do as compensation or to get something I want. This all has to do with being abused as a child. I would do something so that I could stay up later or so I could have ice cream, etc.

He views sex as an intimate connection between two people who have deep love for one another. He sees sex as something special, something that is an honor to do with a lover. So, yeah...we have completely different views of it.

I am so glad, though, that I am not the only one with this problem. It is nice to know that saying no once in a while should be ok. I told him tonight that he once told me that he wants me to say no, he acknowledged that and then told me that it wasn't that I said no, it was that he felt I didn't find him attractive.

I was DEFINITELY feeling the need to please. I usually do. I felt bed for not doing what he wanted and for saying no. His playing seemed a sort of way to 'wave the white flag'. I wasn't having it so he went away.

He got really upset at one point and was going to walk to the park and take a bunch of pills (I found out as we talked). He feels that all he does is hurt people, but he is (honestly) one of the nicest, kindest, warm hearted, well-meaning people I have ever met. I told him that we need to find him a T so that he can feel better about life.

Thank you so much for that suggestion. I couldn't figure out how to let him down gracefully, so to speak. That is a great idea!

I am feeling much better now, as is he. I am really grateful for all of your support and suggestions! I just love PC!

BJ