we didnt get to talk much over the last year. last year i was needy and pushy and demanded attention. she never got to see me now. being healthy, trying to be better. not so needy or so i thought. but she turned her back on that. and now shes dead. she never gave me the chance to show her i could be a better person. maybe she didnt deserve to have me in her life. i dont know. i know she was sick and she needed to take care of herself and her son but she made me feel so loved and wanted at first. then i got outted for whatever, and now shes gone. never will she see what i have become. and now my guilt is taking over. wanting me to just cut. get it over with, slice the crap out of me. because i wonder if i am worth no hurt......doubtful.....i try so hard. i really do. and i just cant shake this feeling of worthlessness tonite.

thanks for listening to me rant. you are all wonderful here.

colleen