Oh Ry, I'm so sorry. I know how it feels to be where you are cuz I'm in the same place, seems I always am but mine seems to be getting worse by the day.

First, about your ferrets. Here's my thoughts and advice. I can totally relate to what you're going through. I have 2 cats. I've been in that same place several times. Its something I struggle with all the time, cleaning the litter, etc. But thruth is I love them and they love me, same with you and your ferrets. Now is not the right time for you to make this big decision. I think you need to keep them. They bring you a lot of pleasure when you're able to reach out to them. Do they deserve better? About as much better as my cats do. I think you'd be making a horrible mistake, I know I would. Ask your x-fg to help you. I know you don't want to do that but maybe even for this one time right now, to clean their cage, clip their nails and bathe them. Then see if you find it a little easier. I say that knowing that I repeatedly go through the same thing over and over but truth be told, I'd completely fall apart without my kitties. I fear you would do the same thing if you got rid of your ferrets. I don't want to see that happen to you. Also, I know that without my 2 kitties, I would probably not be here today. Everytime I get to the point of acting on my ideation I look at their faces and I can't go through with it. Do you feel that way too Ry? They will keep you going. You love them, I know you do. Please keep trying with them. I know how you feel about them deserving better, oh do I. If anybody can understand that one, I CAN!!!

You also don't want to demolish your home. I know you feel like doing it but when you rise from this pit and we both know you will, you'll only regret the damage you will have caused. You don't need that Ry. You know you don't. Please resist that tremendous urge to do it.

OK, now about your x-fg, btw, I didn't address these issues in any kind of priority of importance. I'm really sorry that she has moved on. I know how much that must've hurt you. I know that there was still some hope in you that things would improve even though you also felt it would never happen. You must be devastated to know it's final now. Hugs sweet Ryan, hugs. I wish I could be there to hold you in person. I know you also know it's for the best, since you're moving back to Texas, and since you are, it is for the best but also that doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm so sorry that your heart is breaking all over again. I wish I could fix it but you know only time and lots of it and of course a change in cycle will help with that.

Also, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE have her stay with you. This is NOT the right time, while you reside in the pit with sj and me, to make such a rash decision to have her move out. This is not the right time to make ANY life-altering decisions. You could regret them later when your cycle improves. You've stated that she thinks you wouldn't make it if she left and that you agree with her. If for no other reason, choose that one for her to stay. Ry, you need to hang on sweetie, to all that you can to carry you through until your move. Then you will have others, family, friends that will help hold you up. Right now please take the help that is offered to you from whatever source it is. I know it's going to hurt seeing her all the time knowing that she has moved on but I'm thinking of your life here Ry. I want to see you live, if even not in an emotional way while you're in the pits, but in a flesh and blood, physical way. I know how hard it will be for you, I can't imagine it myself but I'm desperate for you to find some help to stay with us. Also know that you are abundantly loved right here on this site. Look at how many threads there are even currently with undying love being expressed to you. You have to hold onto that love Ry, hold onto anything and everything that is going to help pull you through all this and each and every time that the pendulum swings in this direction. Ry, if you don't make it, how will I? I'm in the pits too, barely hanging on, with no hope for my future. You have hope for your future. Yes, it's hard to focus on that now and to even see the possibility in it. The damn BP is clouding things for you. You DO have a future, a very promising future. You need to hang on with every ounce of strength and courage that you can find. You have to make your dreams come true and they will.

You have a wonderful future just waiting for you. Don't give up before you have a chance to realize it. You deserve what your working towards and it's all out there waiting for the right time for you in October. Don't give up before that. HANG ON TIGHT!!! We will all be here for you, *I* will be here for you. If you need me to be there all night again, I will gladly do that. I don't mind at all, just say the word Ry, and I'll sit up with you all night like we did the last time you were in the pits. I will help talk you through things and comfort you like I did the last time. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't hesitate to call on me. I'm always here for you. You're a very warm, wonderful, caring, loving person and you don't deserve all that you're going through right now. You deserve the world and the world is waiting for you. You just have to ride this low tide now and then reach out and grab it. It'll still be there when the timing is right for you. It won't go anywhere. Your dreams will come true, THEY WILL!!!

Promise me Ry, you'll take help from wherever it is offered and that you will find enough will, strength and determination to make it through these hard times to get to the prize that awaits you. I know how hard it is, you know I know. I wish I had something to fight for, I don't, but Ry, you do. You have a whole new life and wonderful future waiting for you. It's going to bring you everything you want and need. I know the pendulum will find you in this dark place again, I'm being realistic but you will physically and emotionally be in a better place, surrounded by those that love and care for you deeply IRL. Hang on Ry, don't let me down, don't let anybody here down, don't let yourself down. You can do this Ry. FIGHT!!!

MEGA HUGS RY. I WISH THEY WERE IRL. ((((((((( rY ))))))))))