I hate what has happened in my past.
I hate how he made me feel.
I hate what happened.
I hate that I had absolutely no control.
I hate that I'm the one forced to deal with the repercussions.
I hate that I feel guilty. Bad. Responsible. Hurt. Gross.
I hate having to deal with the stupid triggers.
I hate that sometimes having people touch me creeps me out.
I hate how messed up this makes me.
I hate how this has screwed me up.
I hate how writing this makes me feel.
I hate that I'm going to regret posting this later.
I hate that I hate myself.
I hate that I can't hate HIM, at least not really.
I hate the constant script in my head that he's partly responsible for.
I hate the triggers.
I hate the thoughts.
I hate the daydreams of the past.

I hate how I can't seem to get control of myself.
And I especially hate that I intellectually know the truth of things - but that I'm totally emotionally messed up.

IT FREAKING SUCKS.