TJ,
I do not have any magic solutions for your dilemma. Heck, I can't even think of just a good idea that will make losing the weight any easier for you. It took me 23 months of tortuous dieting to drop my 40 extra pounds. I have managed to keep the weight off for a couple years, but it has remained a constant battle. Really, the diet has never ended because I still have to be careful about absolutely everything I eat. The Zyprexa I take seems to give super sticking power to every single every calorie. I understand your frustration and can relate to being restricted by the embarrassment of people watching me work out at a gym. Sorry I am not much help to you, but at least know that you are not alone! Try to keep your spirits up because I am certain that there is a way for you to drop the weight. In the mean time, remember that the extra pounds have absolutely nothing to do with who you are as a person. You are a wonderful person no matter what you weigh. Hang in there. Don't give up--you will find a way to make it happen.