I am really at that same place hon. Just sometimes I long for a loving mom and not one that beat me. I always loved her no matter what she did to me. I could have hated her so easily but God says to honor thy mother and father. Maybe what is going on now is that my Dad is having so many health issues and he is 79 now and I know in my heart that with the issues and age I won't have him a long time. I do remember a few good times with my mom and that does bring comfort to me. thanks hon.