My Support Forums - View Single Post

Shangrala · Oct 14, 2008, 10:38 AM

I so agree that kids may be smart but don't know everything. That seems almost impossible, with experience being the most impressionable teacher and kids too young yet to have obtained much of that experience.

It's important that we practice the strategy of allowing kids the opportunity to make those valued mistakes while they are still at home and having the support of parents to help dust them off as they stand from their fall. Seems to me that by sheltering kids from those much needed lessons diverts them from gaining an understanding of how ruthless the real world can be.

Years ago, throughout the raising my husband's kids, (now grown and with families of their own), I provided them the space to make the necessary errors, yet maintained a fair means of control through (what I call) the "win/win" tactic. When they were confronted with a dilemma, I allowed them the opportunity to decide for themselves providing they chose from the options that I offered them. Regardless of which option they chose, the results would be to their favor, some greater or lesser rewarding. However, with that option of deciding for themselves, they also fully understood that regardless of their choice, they were required to take full responsibility for their action. I believe this gave them a good sense of control of their own lives, building essential confidence as well as obtaining a gradual understanding of how to deal with real issues. This tactic also removed me as being the "bad guy" if it didn't turn out the way they had hoped.

(They couldn't blame me for a decision they made for themselves. However, I also couldn't (and wouldn't) take the credit for making that right decision).

Teens are naturally rebellious and self-absorbed. They are compelled to defy (within reason) most who represent authority.
To and extent I support the fact that teens today are more disrespectful as opposed to even a decade ago. Perhaps that can be the result from the financial demands of mere survival in today’s society. The majority of families require that both parents’ work, or the household is struggling with a single parent, thus our teens have far too much unsupervised time on their hands.

It should also be taken into a consideration that maybe the laws have changed so much to the point where our kid's have been given too much "freedom rights" at far too young of an age to even understand what the purpose of the laws even are.?????
It is also possible that, as mentioned in a previous reply, there are some parents who simply do not have the capability to be attentive because of the constant conflicts that mere living demands. Exhausted both mentally and physically, they simply cannot find the extra energy to devote to the needs that teens require.

I have noticed, too, that the resources for enjoyment to teens are at a steady decline. Most cities I’ve resided in have replaced recreational facilities with more condos or business complexes, leaving our kids with minimal options to seek what is considered to be safe environments for social activities. If there are facilities that are available for our kids they seem to be either unreasonable in price, or in distance. Regardless, they seem to be forced to have to rely on someone other than self to access it. Is it possible that this may also be a result of why our kids resort to sticking their face in front of a monitor to obtain a means of socializing?

I’ve always felt that if I ever were to win the lottery, (which is unrealistic, as I don’t even pay to play), I would attend to the development of a facility that would provide our kids a means of enjoyment. Something that they can access easily and socialize safely in. Something that is equally enjoyable and appealing to all ages. And requires little to no money.
(Talk about being a hopeless optimist...

Weeeeeee!!)

Thanks for taking out the time to read, and respond.

OMG!....Lenny, you hit the nail smack center on the head!
"BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE HAPPEN". I couldn't agree more!