I've been through this depression crap twice before. Been a while since it got to the point where I lost myself though. I've spent 10+ years very very active with a spiritual group that taught me to pray and what it was to be safe. I learned that work is worship and that prayers are answered.

And yet here I am, in the pit again. Wasted more than 10 years on a path that just went in a circle. All that work, all that effort, all those sacrifices right down the toilet. I worked with people and I shared my experiences in an effort to give them meaning and to use them to help someone else. Then all that ******** I'd been through over the years wouldnt be lost. I was told I had helped, that I was offering something that would do good. I helped when I offered, when I didnt offer, when I was asked and I helped unasked. I did everything I could to be there for the people, without opinion, without expectation and I thought I was doing it with other people who felt the same way.

Turned out I was wrong. I've asked for help and yet I sit here alone. I cant even pray anymore. I miss it. I miss feeling safe and a part of something bigger than myself. I miss getting lost in something that had nothing to do with me and was more than me and made the world a better place.

What a waste. I think it was easier before I was lied to