THank you for reiterating the consequences of using...
I needed to hear it....
I needed to remind myself of how close death once was...
so close i was looking it in the eye...

yet i didn't have a care in the world...
not for you , not for me,,
not for the world or even the drugs...

Your post helped me today....
because i just drove my friend home from uni...
and she told me she had been smoking J's
and offerred me to share that experience she was experimenting with..

and my mind just went into overdrive..
I CAN GET IT>..I CAN GET IT NOW...
ITS NOT HHHHH BUT ITS GOOD ENOUGH>>
I CAN GET HIGH NOW>>
I CAN LIE>>>I CAN LIE TO EVERYONE AND GET AWAY WITH IT...
I wanted it so bad...
just to get high...

But then my brain started talking..
and even if i didn't totally convince myself..
I said the words..
Im clean and im staying that way forever and NO i DON"T want to get high with you...and im NOT sorry...IN FREAKIN PROUD...

Each day is a struggle...
the cravings never seem to end,,
the lies i think of making don't stop..

but im clean...clean clean..just like you depressme...

hold your head high and be proud..
for i know how hard it can be...

Im going to be off methadone by christmas it seems...
im proud of myself...
but im scared....

scared of not being strong enough...

but im trying so damn hard that i think i might succeed!!