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multipixie9 · 01:22 AM

my grown daughters are in an affectionate and open relationship with me and their dad. (we've been married 28 years...a very long 28 years!)

i came from a home of sporadic violence. i was ignored one day for something very wrong and slapped the next for no reason i could discern. it played havoc with my mind and heart.(actually, i was trying to not trigger anyone, i went through a lot of emotional and physical abuse for years)

Phil and i chose to be pretty broke and allow me to stay at home and our children did benefit from that - though we were far from wonder-parents. but, i know that we did a few things right. we seldom spanked and when we did it was for one of three things - disrepect, deliberate disobedience, intentional meanness to someone else. WE NEVER SPANKED FOR ACCIDENTS OR MISTAKES MADE. We never spanked until we were calm - even if it meant we had to separate from the child until we cooled off. Then our daughters were told why they were being punished and on our best days we also told them how to avoid the problem. they received swats from a paddle on their bottom only and never with harsh force., we never struck them with our hands, we never slapped them . i intentionally got a scary looking paddle (found it at the thrift store!) so i never needed to swat very hard. No marks were left on my daughters. after the fireworks were over we reminded them how much we loved them and did not like having to spank.(my oldest was most rebellious and got her last "spanking" at age 13 for deliberate disobedience to her dad, our youngest daughter was more easy going and probably more sly, but she got her last paddling at around 9 - no two kids are alike, even identical twins - inside!)

The world will not stop to accomodate my children. my job as parent was to teach them how life works and what is expected of them as good, decent people. my daughters have done a few things that helped me aquire my greying hair. they are also wonderful, good , kind women. i love them to death.