Hello, my father was aCapt. in the Air Force, he was shot down over Camboida. He was hit by a S.A.M. My mom remarried a Lt. Col. a couple ofyrs. later. My oldest sis protested and I wonder if she could feel the future. When he would spank me I had to take off my clothes lay flat on the bed. He would strike me with his belt as hard ashe could. If i used my hands to block or cry I got more. I had to learn to suck it up and take it. I remeber one time I ask if I could go out and play, he said no, it was raining. I said that it was beatuiful outside, He spunaround and punched me in the face,I was eight yrs. old. I ran out the house and as I was walking I found some glass, that was the first time I cut. We were at the dinner table one time havingchinnesse food, my middle sis hated, so she sat there and flipped the food with here fork. He started @itching at her about all the hungry people in the world, she said box it up and send it to them. He jumped up grabed her bythe throat and stated punching her in the face. when she went to school the counsler called the mp and had him arrested. My mom went down thereand told the police she was lieing and got him out of jail. Tothis day I can't fiqure why she choose him over her kids. So therewas a whole lot more abuse and I really started cutting. Mom and Les sent me toa mental place in the Miamia area. I was shocked by acattle prog and raped by a staff member. Fl. found out that they were shocking us so they closed the place down. I went back home to the insanity and found drugs and to hitch hike all over the U.S. I learned well torun away. I still do it today. Hereally messed my head up. I am know in my bedroom, been in here for at least three yrs. I lost a good wife, I go from sane to 5 yr. old temper tamtrom in 1/4 of a sec. I have had some rage that makes Freddie Cuogar look tame. I hate my past I hate my present I hate my future. I hate this anger inside me. I have Dr. Hyde and Jeghle going big time. I truly want to fix me, but I wonder if I have a chance. Take care,