I just, don't know what to do anymore
everything is just a mess

I can't seem to get through a single night without freaking out and switching

Fern made a bunch of drawings last night, they scare me,
just the reality of it I guess, I know that seems silly, because Pip draws, and journals, but....Fernfox is a whole new situation, she is so little
so scared and hurting, and I don't know how to help her....
she is also angery, and somewhat dangerous, do to the fact that she gets aggressive and punches things, bites, or rips things up, or if her anger is bad enough she will harm the body. She has broken a finger of the bodies by punching a coke machine, and last night she scartched up the bodies hand.

I'm just so frightend, so scarred, I guess after last night's huge meldown, I am starting to realize just how real and serious this all is, I was kinda of in denial for so long, and, I was trying to deny it, convince myself it was all lies, but...I can't rember last night, I mean, I've had time lost before, but not that severe and not for that long a time.

Just scarred, and needing comfort...