Am not today where you are--but I was. Literally. In a dressing room looking in the mirror. And I got so scared by what I saw and thought. I was 5'10 and 113 pounds and looked great! Or thought I did. Maybe my thighs were still little too fat, after all, my size 3's didn't quite fit right. I looked in that dressing room mirror and starting shaking, and sweating, and was nauseated. I couldn't stand up. In nothing but underwear and a bra I sat down on the dressing room floor and just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I have no idea how long I was there, don't remember getting up and getting dressed. I know I was still shaking when I left the store. At dinner that night I made my normal broth, then had a couple bites of mac and cheese. I started to eat a little more daily. Then looked in a mirror a week later and saw nothing but fat. That night I ended up soaking a tub because I was in so much pain (I needed to have a bowel movement but couldn't because it was the first time I had put something solid in my mouth in quite a while). After that, I took the mirrors out of the house except for the small ones in the bathroom to do makeup. I made a resolution that no matter what I would put weight on but I would not weigh my self nor look in a mirror. God that was hard. All I saw when I looked down was fat and ugly. That incident in the dressing room--seeing EVERY bone I had sticking out, scared me so bad. I eventual got up to the weight I set for myself--125. Still everyone said I was too skinny. I settled at 135 and was sooooo unhappy there--but I kept thinking of that damned dressing room and also of my girls: I did not want to teach them that behavior. (I wish I could say I was still at 135 because as much as I hated it then I'd give anything to go back to that or even 20 pounds more. I was on medication that put weight on me terrible and right now I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum I was just 8 years ago.) I'm sorry to have rambled, but I just wanted to share and let you know you aren't alone and I hope you don't get to the point where you are sick from trying to get thin.