I f there was a time when l dont want to "feel " its now l want to go back to saying nothing , doing nothing and telling no one. BUT I CANT!!!!

dont want to feel this pain inside
dont want to feel the shame
dont want to feel the hurt
dont want to remember
dont want to know
Just WANT to forget
cant forget
cant pretend
cant say it not matter
cant not feel the hurts
cant take away the shame
cant take away the disgust l feel
and so instead what is left raging raging anger that l dont know what to do with, hate for myself for this stupid and pathetic person that ive become distractions coming out ny ears and yet what is it l still come back too the only thing l know PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN my own paincaused by ME to me and why because it is the only thing that takes that raging anger away for just a while. its gone its not there then suddenly wham its back rearing its ugly head crushing me inside until l CUT CUT CUT again until its gone again. Today l have this anger that has been building UP and Up and Up there is no where on my body left for me to cut after the diasasters the other day andnow im sitiing waiting until that feeling will go away Will it??l doubt it Will l cut??? very likely Do l care right now???No l dont and why?????this stupid stupid stupid ANGER burning inside.
Shame for the way l feel ,hate for the way l feel ,Disgust for the way l feel, Hurt by the way l feel but most of all right now ANGER at the way l feel. I know l need to be stronger , l know that l am so weak and pathetic and l also know that at this prsent moment I HATE IT ALL, I HATE THEM , BUT MOST OF ALL I HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How DO L GET THROUGH TODAY KNOWING WHAT L MUST DO TOMORROW
I CANT DO IT I AM SO STUPID AND PATHETIC ASHAMED AND DISGUSTED I CANT DO IT AGEN I JUST CANT AM TOO WEAL TO SCAREDTO STUPID
ANGER THAT IF L DONT HE DO IT AGENBECAUSE I HAVE LET HIM AGEN