Don't read if you don't want to be triggered, please.

T wants me to go to the hospital. My SI feels like it is getting out of control, and I am genuninely afraid that I am going to keep cutting and cutting until I do something really serious.

I have two spots that I usually cut - the side of my hand under my thumb, and the inner part of my arm. Obviously, my wrist is in between those two spots - and I have been experimenting with small cuts on my wrist, that I fear will turn in to BIG cuts.

I am scared because the urge is so strong. H DOES NOT SUPPORT ME GOING TO THE HOSPITAL. I need to figure out what to do. I am scared.

I am thinking about brining my current SI tools to T tomorrow to give to him. The thought of doing it makes me want to throw up. I don't know what to do. Obviously, there are more tools out there. But maybe it would be a symbolic gesture to get me through the weekend.

I need to stop. I'm scared. And it doesn't feel as simple as someone saying "stop" and me stopping, you know?

And T is "concerned" and that just makes me sick. I told him to please, please, please stop. He says he can't. I don't want his love, caring, concern. I don't know what I want.

What should I do?