I completely understand your situation. I too had the same problem. I thought that suicide was the only way out, but I thought about it, and I kept thinking that maybe that person was right there around that very cornor I was about to turn. Maybe they were there sitting next to me on the bus, and I didn't know it. Like you I tried so very hard. I even went to those stupid websites that say "Find your match!" Nothing worked. I mean nothing. So what I did was stopped trying. I know it sounds weird, but I did, and then I got married to the love of my life a year later. I actually met him at an art museum. But problems that I did face were anger, suicide, shyness, and many symptoms much like yours. I didn't go anywhere for weeks, and because of that I lowered my chances for a love relationship. I burst out with anger towards everyone, I found myself not even wanting to go to work. I hated it, I saw so many relationships that were filled with love and everything that I wanted. I even cried on stupid disney movies because there were cartoon characters that even had loved ones. But the real thing is, get out. Try something new. Take it one day at a time. I don't think anyone is 'ugly' or too shy to try something new. I think the best thing to do, is get out there in the world, take a vaccation and identify your interests and find some woman out there who has the same interests. Join a book club, even if you don't read that often. Go see a movie and not by yourself. Ask one of those girls that are "really good friends" out to dinner and maybe a play. Don't be shy and don't think that your life is almost over, you still have a long time to find the right person for you.