I browse through these forums and have such a hard time believing I deserve any support here.

I am so dissociated from my own reality and what is going on in my life. The fact that I keep coming back here tells me that I *do* want to do something about it. But the everyday choices that I make point to something different.

I seem to live my life in denial. Cruise along, telling myself everything is fine. Maybe everything is. Sometimes I don't even know.

The fact is I don't think it is fine. I have moments when I am scared ****less by things that happen - things that make me think there is danger here. And then I dissociate it again, tell myself everything is fine and keep cruising along doing my thing. I can't break through my own denial. I can't stop the thought that it is all just a lie.

So, I am here. But I do not deserve to be. Because I am not committed to healing.
If I were, I would not be here, in this town.

I think I must be psychotic rather than dissociative.

That's all.