KV - that is SUCKY! Crabby = bad. So sorry you're dealing with junky work stuff.

You know, kind of an aside, but I've been wondering whether it bothers you and Sam/Sheila that every time you talk about your gender issues, the conversation invariably turns into a discussion about homosexuality. I'm not sure why that happens, but I'm just as guilty of going off on that tangent as anyone else. Do you mind that?

About your boss... that's a tough one! I struggled with that one myself, about my boyfriend. I was so worried about leaving him alone back in June and July, that when my client asked me to work on their new project, I initially said no, that I needed to spend more time at home. Then they offered that I could telecommute part-time, and I said only if I can work from home at least 2 weeks per month. That was hard for me to do, because it invited all of the "slacker!" comments from the other consultants and a bit of resentment from my client's employees. So I started telecommuting anyway, but to be honest it's almost harder to be here when he's feeling really depressed and doesn't get out of bed -- my concentration is completely shot. I only ended up working maybe 20 hours per week when things were really bad (they are better now, but I'm still having to work pretty late into the night to make up for goofing off time during the day).

I kind of felt that if I explained the reason WHY I needed time at home, that my client would be understanding, but I also felt like I would be violating my boyfriend's privacy by "outing" him. Also, I was worried that their reaction would be along the lines of "keep your personal life personal, and just do your job", especially since I'm a consultant and they don't have any obligation to be concerned about my personal well-being. So I didn't say anything for a few months, but a few weeks ago when I was on a trip with my project manager, she and I did have drinks one night and she confessed to suffering from lifelong depression, and asked me to be understanding if it leaks though to her mood at work. I did break the confidentiality a bit and admitted the reason I was not quite as available as I normally would like to be because of my boyfriend's depression, but I didn't go into much detail. I felt pretty relieved, but KV - I decided that I wouldn't have told her if she didn't open it up about herself.

Actually, here's an idea: could you discuss it with HR? If your boss is concerned about your performance at work, in a company the size of yours, your boss is probably going to talk to HR about it herself. It might not be a bad idea to preempt her, so that you (maybe? maybe not?) have an ally. That's part of HR's job, although I realize that my idea could backfire.

What do you think?

And KV - I"m sorry it's been mental chaos for you.... I really am... I'm here for you, anytime, ok?

Your friend,
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!