I thought this might be better in the abuse forum/threads but that is more for survivors of abuse and I do not want to upset them in any way shape or form.

My wife and I are in a seperation ( I am military and currently in Iraq) and before I left for this place she admitted to me that she cheated on me twice with two different guys. Of course I yelled and screamed at her the usual....and then we went to therapy for about two weeks and I was off to Japan for a few weeks and then to Iraq. I did something stupid and drank heavily while I was in Japan and called her bc I missed her and of course things were still sensitive to both of us. Half the time she would say something to upset me and I was the cause of it the other half. We agreed that we would say where we stood when I got back from Iraq and decide if we were going to divorce or work this out. She did promise she was going to continue therapy and work on things on her end, and I would do the same.
During the drunken phone calls, tempers did flair and more often than not, I yelled at her. I also threatened to not stop my financial support, but not contribute as much as I had been because she was still seeing "guy friends", the very thing that got her in trouble to begin with. It was almost 4 days before I left for Iraq and I told her it is either she stops hanging out with these guys (for one I dont trust her around them, two- it is what got her in trouble in the first place) or we get the divorce.
After I stopped drinking, I called her to see how she was and she made a comment about how she and her therapist dont know why she went from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. Before when she talked about her abusive ex bf's, she said abusive ex's. I asked her why she said relationships and she came out with the fact that she and her therapist believe that I have been abusive to her. Can somebody clarify how or why she and her therapist consider it abuse?

I also told her if she thinks I am abusive to stay the ***** away from me because that is nothing that I want for her. I have always told my female friends that if they are abused by a bf, then get as far away from them as possible. I asked my therapist if it was abusive and she said no, because I am not trying to control her. I can kinda see why my wife thinks it is abuse, but I told her that I am giving her more money because she is working on the marriage and her self. She has now agreed that her going out with guys I dont know is not a good idea.

Help?