First of all---THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!!
She's saying that you not giving as much money as before is abuse? What about what she did to your marriage? That's abuse. If you are able and willing to work it out, kudos to you. It's hard. I've been through it twice--both mine exhusbands were Navy and those 6 month med-cruises are hard. Without knowing you two, obviously, I don't see how you not contributing as much money is abuse. I'm sure a t would say it's controlling, but if divorce is a possibility, you have to be able to take care of you, too. I'm sorry for what you're going through and I hope this came out right .