Thank you all so far who have commented here. it is comforting I have a place to help process this tragic event. We have the memorial service today for him and I think that should help us get some sense of closure to move down our healing path. Your thoughts about my Therapy are good for me to see. i know my T. is very strong resilient woman and this episode was game changer for us both. It is my hope we can work effectively again in the future. I just dread the aspect of changing therapists and all the time it takes to develop that trust again with someone. I do know it is important for me to handle my own self care. Ultimately I'm not responsible for helping my T....it's her job to support me, and I understand if she's not up to it, then I need to move on.

Thanks again for your understanding.
Warmly,
Funnyguy