Because they are seeing it as controlling or manipulative. "Do this or else..." My opinion is it isn't. If she is willing to work it out, that means she will stop seeing and talking to these guys. It would be different if it were a guy she had been friends with for years and years and nothing had happened. She is a wife now, not a single woman on the town. Speaking as a female, I 100% disagree with the "abusive" label. It's not like you're saying, "If you cut your hair, you won't get any money." It's totally different. She's expecting you to support her financially when she isn't supporting you maritally (I just invented that word because I couldn't think of the word I wanted!). You have enough on your mind being over there, please don't think of yourself as an abuser because she says a therapist said you have abusive characteristics. Please stay safe.