(Added a trigger icon for this) I thought up something else to complain about.

Why is it my first impulse to further try to victimize myself, and retraumatize myself? ISNT FAIR. Stupid mind. Stupid body. Stupid, just so d!#! stupid.

I just want to be free of this. I don't want to be stuck on this forever. I don't want to be stuck hurting myself because of someone else. Rationally, I know all the "right" stuff...

Why do my emotions have to always muck things up?

I don't want to think about sex. I don't want to make what happened worse than what it was. Heck, it wasnt that BAD. I went through NOTHING compared to what so many have had to deal with.

Which makes me feel like an even worse person. How dare I sit here and complain when others have been hurt so much more badly.

Yeah, I know... no comparing your stuff to someone elses... but its so hard sometimes.

I just dont want to keep doing this to myself anymore. I thought I did good. I gave up self-injuring. I gave up drinking. Ive tried to get over stuff.

AND YET IM STILL F@&!+!!$!$! MESSED UP.

grumble. Oh boy. the therapist I see on the 27th has her work cut out for her. Im a freaking basketcase wh0o cant sit still and keeps hurtingh herselfd emtoinally and cant even write right right now because im going a mile an mindute in my mind and my hands are wiriting and my mind just wont SHUT UP.

I feel like I'm insane. I'm so gonna regret this entire thread tomorrow. maybe it will go byebye.