No, I don't see you as an abuser from what you've said. Seems like most of the time you have yourself under good control. Be proud of that!

Save the drunken calls for mushy sweet-nothings.

It must be so hard for both of you to have such distance between you while trying to work on things. Trust is a big issue for me. Neither of you should have to call when you get home or read each others emails, etc. But being so far away can give temptation an open door. But weighing her 'worth' by assigning a dollar value to it does not seem right. I don't know what a Lawyer might say, but if it was me... I'd take away ALL money/support and ask that she decide who she wants... THEN resume the financial support if she decides she wants you.

The decision should be made with the heart and the head - not the wallet.