My fiance and I are both going to school to be music ministers. Being in the position of ministry is like living in a fishbowl. Everybody watches all of your actions. And I guess it was my way of rebelling against it. It was not out of a lack of love for my fiance. Nor a matter of being ready to marry him. At the time that it happened, everything seemed to be going wrong in my life, and I guess I just reacted to it. Not to say that this is an excuse for what I did. I just keep thinking would I want him to tell me if he did the same thing? And the answer I come up with is yes, but not right away. I will probably tell him down the road some time, but not now. And yes, I feel absolutely terrible for what I did. But there is no way that I can hurt him like that. I love him too much. I wish I could express how much this has hurt me. And how much my heart cries everyday over this.