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(JD) · Oct 21, 2008, 08:45 AM

Regardless of the hotline, the main thing is what to say and what not to say. Since you're calling a hotline, you don't wish to end your life really. Unless you want someone to come and you say, please send someone, then you need to tell them that you aren't in danger right now, and called for help to get through this "moment" of feeling so bad.

That's important. Unless you make a statement that you aren't going to do this act and just want to share that that's how bad you are feeling, you are leaving it up to the hotline to try and decide your intent. They will err on the side of caution.

If you talk with a seasoned helper, they will be able to determine how you are truly feeling, if you talk with them a short while. Newcomers to the hotline might panic.

So be sure to tell them that you aren't going to do anything now, and just need to talk with someone about those bad feelings.

I've been a director of a hotline, helping to set it up, and train the first workers. They want to help you.

Some hotlines don't have the funds to put caller ID on all their calls. However, generally, in the manager's office/station, there is a way to determine what number from which you are calling. Not all the regular workers know this. I say this so if you think by asking the hotline worker if they can find out your number and they say they can't, they might be telling the truth for them, but if there's a problem the manager can find your number.

If you are genuinely in trouble, ask for help. They have a resource list at their disposal and can give you other places to contact and find the help you need. It's not just about suicide. Hotlines help people who just don't know where else to turn for many life issues. Maybe that's why some workers do panic when they have a caller who is so depressed they want life to end? They help many people work through many issues, and then when "this" call comes in, it's scary to them, and they know your life might be on the line (literally and figuretively.)

Don't be afraid to call. But do be very clear up front that you are calling for talk help, and don't want them to overreact.

Putting them at ease at the beginning will allow them to focus more intently on what you do say, rather than worrying in the back of their mind if they need to call help for you. OK?

Call if you need to. That's why they are there. (Many are volunteers, btw.)