I went from anorexia to this blob. I scared the hell out of myself when I was so thin, that I finally got to a healthy weight--and maintained it for years. Then the stupid muscular dystrophy symptoms, RA and depression caused me to seek help for the pain and neuropathy. Got put on two medications which have significant weight gain as a side effect--I was never told this and of course, as a responsible patient I read the literature and sure weight gain is listed, but so is suicidal ideation, red itchy eyes, sleepiness, insomnia, weight loss and hair loss. I gained weight, got more depressed, got the dosage of depression med increased, gained more weight, hated the way I looked, comfort-ate because I was depressed, gained weight, comfort-ate because I was depressed and here I am weighing more than 182. I haven't been able to step on the scale in a long time. I'm 5'10. I know the personal responsibility checklist. I know I am ultimately responsible for my weight, my happiness, my life. I don't want pity, I just want to cry. I got super stressed at work today, made the conscious decision to walk in the back and get some candy. As I sat here unwrapping the reese bite, I started crying, totally disgusted with myself. If I would just have more willpower. A part of me is so scared that if I start loseing weight, I will end up being anorexic again (of course, I have like 70 pounds to lose before THAT happens), but it stays in my mind. I have such a hard time exercising due to multiple health issues. I don't have the money to do Jenny Craig or any of those. I don't have will power. I just suck. I'm fat and I can feel my thighs rub together when I walk and that disgusts me and then I feel bad and the feel and taste of chocolate comforts me. I've thought about--as disgusting as it is--putting food in my mouth for the taste, then spitting it out. No, I'm not sick. Not at all!!