I don't really know why I am posting this. I mean, it's not like anyone really cares what my story is... but anyway... here goes nothing....

A little background on me...
I was born on January 15, 1986 - 14 weeks early.
I weighed only one pound and nine ounces and was only 12" long.
I was given less than a one percent chance of survival, and my parents were told that if I lived,
I would probably be deaf, blind, never be able to do anything for myself, basically be in a vegetative
state, and have absolutely no quality of life whatsoever.
When I was a few days old, I had a severe brain bleed and it was discovered that I had a condition called hydrocephalus
(where the fluid that surrounds a person's brain, and in this case blood, can't be drained off properly) when this happens,
normally doctors place a tube (called a shunt) into the head that travels down into and drains the fluid into the stomach.
Believe it or not, they actually suggested to my parents that they should not try any life-saving measures... and just let me die.
Thankfully, my parents told the doctors to do whatever they could to save my life.
So, the doctors put in the shunt, and I spent about three months in the NICU before it was determined that I was healthy enough to go home.
My mom tells me that I actually came home close to what was my scheduled due date!!!!

Today, I am only 4' 8" tall and only weigh about 79 pounds. And I have almost non-existent self esteem.
I have spent much of my life in and out of the hospital and had approximately 20 surgeries on just about every major part of my body.
I've had 12 shunt revisions (it gets clogged up with scar tissue and whatnot so they have to go in and replace it), I had my eyes fixed - I was born crossed eyed,
I had nerve surgery on my back, I had screws put in my feet in hopes that they would help stabilize my feet so I could walk.
I can walk for short distances with crutches, and for distance I use a manual wheelchair. My left hand has almost no fine motor skills.
I have a severe startle reflex. It is so severe that if I am standing up or walking, and I get startled, I more often than not end up falling down.
Anything and everything startles me. A car horn blows, a dog barks, someone comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder, a door slams,
there is a creaking floor and I step on it and if I'm not expecting it I will startle.
I am very self-conscious about my disability (and myself in general). I hate hate hate it.
And it sucks, because I have had numerous people tell me, "You are not your disability.
But it seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't separate the two, and since I hate my disability, I hate my life...
I hate myself. (Hope that makes sense to someone) It's like, instead of seeing myself as a person...
who just happens to have a disability... I only see myself as disabled.

Sorry for wasting space posting this and your time if you actually read it.