I threw away the diet pills. I only took them once and I passed out at work and woke up with a bunch of coworkers around me. I gave them some lame excuse about allergy drugs lowering my blood pressure.

I am really trying to eat now and I haven't purged in a few days (which is good for me). I am having a really hard time sustaining weight though. Even when I am trying to eat more I still seem to lose. I went under 100 lbs yesterday and I am 5'9". My fiance doesn't even seem to notice that I am losing. The entire time I have been with his I have been under weight. He knows I used to have problems with an ED but I think he thinks I am over it. I cook for him and he doesn't even seem to notice that I normally don't eat the food. Well I am making a big meal tonight and I have promised myself I am going to eat it.

Another reason I think maybe I am still losing is all of the exercise. I normally run at least 5 miles a day and I also do some dancing or skating some days (I used to figure skate competitively now I just do it for fun). Should I stop exercising? It is really a good release for me and I hate to stop but I don't know if it is part of my illness.

For now I am trying to do this on my own. If I keep failing I think I will start seeing a therapist again but I really hate that thought. I do not want to go to an inpatient program again.

Nicole