Interesting thread. I guess aside from the whole causing-pain-to-another-human-being-thing, one of my biggest issues with spanking is that what is learned from the experience is not the same as what is intended to be taught.

I hear and read people justifiying spanking in so many different ways, but when it comes down to it all it is is one human being in a position of power exerting physical domination over a human being who has no power. It is ONLY about power. Justifying it as 'punishment' is a load of crap. What 'offence' could possibly warrant being physically hit by someone much bigger than you? Spanking is all about one big person wanting to let one little person know who is boss. It doesn't teach children not to steal, or not to talk back, or not to do 'whatever'. It teaches children if you don't do what I say I will hit you. It teaches children that even those who say they love you have the 'right' to hurt you if they choose.

I don't know about anyone else, but those are lessons I don't want my daughter to learn. I teach her that NOBODY has the right to deliberately cause pain to ANYBODY.

I never 'punish' my daughter. That doesn't mean she doesn't make mistakes as she goes through the process of growing up. She makes plenty!! When she makes mistakes I help her learn how to make things right again. She experiences the natural consequences of her actions... if she spills something she cleans it up; is she breaks something that belongs to someone else we work out a way for her to pay for it; when she talks back to me I tell her l don't like being spoken to that way and I'll be willing to listen to her when she's ready to talk to me respectfully. When she makes mistakes (ie: behaves 'badly') I show her how to make better choices. I discuss with her what felt right, what felt wrong, what she could do differently in the future. I help her understand the outcomes of her behaviors and help her learn the tools to manage experiences more successfully next time. I treat her with respect always, and expect that she treats me, herself, and all others with the same.

I don't view respect as something to be earned - I view it as a right (if only the rest of the world agreed with me! - sigh). I have the right to be treated with respect. My daughter has the right to be treated with respect. And I expect that she and I will do our best to practice respect in our relationships with others.

I feel very, very strongly about being respectful of others. And - I'm sorry - but there is nothing respectful about a fully grown adult physically striking a 40lb human being at all.