Firing your t was a healthy thing to do IMO. There are others out there that may be more suitable to you. You are taking great steps in wanting to stop cutting and wanting to feel better. Just remember about when the babes start to walk. It has to come from inside and has to come in small steps. I know that tape of people saying how bad and worthless you are is playing over and over and over in your mind, but you can play a new tape, too. One that says how great you, how you are worthy of a good life and happiness. Maybe that new tape will play side-by-side of the old one right now, but eventually it will totally replace it. Eventually you will see that not only were they wrong---they were mean, they wanted to keep you down. But you won't let them. You won't. Start the search for a new t tomorrow. Tonight know that you will be ok. Start fresh tomorrow. Remove your tools and start fresh. Listen to some soothing music--whatever soothes you, rock, nature, country, metal, whatever. It's a new day tomorrow and in fact, your cutting today is already in the past. Move forward.